Condemnation Kills. Literally.

About a month or so ago, my husband and I were doing some work in the front yard of our new house. (That I'm completely obsessed with might I add lol) We had these ridiculously ugly pointy bushes that I was dying to remove. Later on my husband informed me that he knew I wasn't going to be able to get out the roots all by myself, but decided to let me go for it anyway. haha!

Anyway, so here I am working away on these horrid bushes. About 30 minutes had went by and I wasn't even close to getting the first one dug up. At one point, Austin had started working on trimming the bushes directly behind me when noticing it was full of bees...they started flying around all over the place, obviously causing distraction and well, fear. haha. I had also started complaining about how I wasn't going to be able to dig them up by myself and needed either his help or my dads. I was literally using all of my strength to pull and dig up these plants. It was really hot out so I kept having to stop for water breaks. I had moments where I would literally get angry at the thing and just go absolutely ninja crazy on the poor shovel...and still...there it sat. Loving life and how deep it was in the ground of the earth. And I'm positive it was laughing at me and how it was making my house ugly. lol

So as I continued working on it, I remembered something I had read in a book written by Joseph Prince. He was talking about how condemnation is just like the root of a plant. As humans, we have a lot of issues on the surface. And just like those plants, the issues are really ugly! It's really easy for us to judge not only each other, but we also feel like failures for mistakes we have made in our own lives. So as I remembered this brilliant analogy, I started paying close attention to the things happening to me as I was working so hard on digging it up...relating to our spiritual lives...

-we get tired from working on ourselves spiritually and need breaks every once in awhile. (water break)

-many times when we are working so diligently on "fixing" something in our lives, other things will be thrown our way to distract us from whats important. (bees, lol)

-we'll get angry at things we're unsatisfied with and work really hard for a short amount of time. in that time we make a lot of progress, but that strength doesn't last long before needing another break. (me being angry with the shovel)

-when we work on "fixing" our issues alone, we'll soon realize we can't do it by ourselves. we need the help of the people that are around us. (my complaints about not being about to do it alone)

So how does the story end? I gave up and my dad ended up coming over and got the rest of the roots out for me. They were too strong for me. I seriously love the ending to this. My dad is a spiritual (ok ok, and physical) giant. I'll humbly admit I'm not as strong (spiritually and physically, lol) as I think I am. Thanks dad. :)

Moral of the story (besides how much dad rocks)...figure out what it is in your life that is making you feel like a failure and dig it up. Dig up the condemnation and don't allow the devil to have that authority in your life. It will take time. Patience. Energy. Prayer. Frustration. You name it. But bottom line, condemnation will spiritually kill us if we allow it to. Don't run away from your problems. Embrace them and allow God to remove the condemnation and live in the FREEDOM found in Jesus.

Some thoughts on Spiritual Maturity...

Spiritual maturity...pretty much covers every area of life...

Constantly having to "rise above" situations that are difficult to get over, not entertaining or being part of gossip, living above reproach, TRULY loving people and not just saying you do, being sensitive to the holy spirit and what God is speaking/showing us...the list goes on.

To put it simply...allow God to mold you. If it takes being "extra sensitive" to the holy spirit, do it. If it means being what Christians call the "gossip police", be that annoying person. 9 times out of 10 it means making the harder decision... I PROMISE YOU IT'S WORTH IT.

I by NO MEANS am trying to tell you that I make all the right decisions all the time, lol I wish! But I am constantly trying to make sure I'm hearing what God has to say about EVERY situation in life. The amazing part is that when we fail, because we WILL and DO fail, God simply picks us up and tells us to try again and do it better next time.

One thing I've learned in the last 6 months or so is that "dodging" our failures doesn't get us anywhere. Be REAL with God. Be REAL with your friends and family. Let people know what you're struggling with. It releases the pressure we put on ourselves to make everyone think our lives are perfect. It also opens us up for not only God to shape us, but for God to use other people in the shaping process. Be open to anyone that God is putting in your path to show you things about yourself you never knew. Don't condemn yourself! Find scripture to speak over your life and believe it. Live it. Enjoy the growing experience.

Discover new things about yourself and embrace who God is calling you to be.

Make a plan for growth.

....and Grow. Just like a pretty little flower. :)

Human Nature...we fear, we dream, we live.

...to me people, humans, are incredibly fascinating and mysterious.

fas*ci*nat*ing // extremely interesting

mys*te*ri*ious // difficult or impossible to understand, explain or identify // having an atmosphere of strangeness or secrecy.

So many different lives...stories...experiences...and NO TWO are exactly the same. Literally each and every person is influencing the world in some way or another, whether good or bad...we ALL have influence.

Life is a war. Conflicts are spiritual. This war can be fought either with fear or faith. It's a choice, and not necessarily an easy one. Realistically life is full of fighting FROM both.

FEAR...

...we fear the unknown

...we fear change

...we fear what we do not understand

...we fear failure

It's EASY to list fear.

Where is our faith?

Isn't it hard to have faith? It can be. Faith and trust often go hand in hand...

We don't trust people because we've been hurt. We don't trust God because we blame Him for all of our pain. We don't trust ourselves because we know we tend to only screw things up.

(This is a shameless plug about how we need to learn how to EXTEND AND RECEIVE God's grace.)

I've heard it said so many times and it's SO incredibly true... "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?"

You couldn't fail your parents. Yourself. Your friends. Your boss. Your children. Your spouse.

What are your dreams?

Why do we fear pursuing our dreams if we truly believe that God is a dream giver?

That dream is there for a REASON. It WILL be fought. Especially if your dream is becoming a person of influence in any way.

Here's a few simple examples of my dreams:

My whole life I dreamed of singing and leading people into worshiping God. I never thought it would happen and certainly was never one to want the spotlight. In God's timing He did exactly that, under my husband's leadership. I am by no means the world's greatest singer, but I know that my heart is in the right place. I desire to be used WITH (not behind or in front of) my husband to help people have a true encounter with God through music. Pouring out all of our love and devotion to our Savior...through every missed note, messed up lyrics or timing... we've learned how to push through these awkward moments pretty well. :)

When I got married some of my dreams stayed the same, some of my dreams shifted, new dreams were birthed, and some dreams were fulfilled.

I also used to dream of being an Elementary teacher and an architect...those 2 specific dreams fell away over time, but the SAME desire to teach is still in me and is used often...

...and I promise you I have zero interest in being an architect (math was never my thing), but I love being able to see God in all of the unique ways He empowers the human brain to have the ability to design...I find Him in the creative photography of architecture and the way people can portray a city/building/flower/person, etc to look. So no that childhood "dream" was not fulfilled in the sense that I didn't become an architect, but I am 23 and already own my 3rd beautiful home with my husband (And our little buddy Charlie of course). We absolutely love making this house a home together through renovations and decorating. It has brought us even closer together and in my opinion we are similar to being architects through our creativity. ;)

I have some dreams that are just not ready to be shared yet because God is working on me and them. Guaranteed you'll see a testimony blog about them someday because I believe they're in my heart for a reason.

Through every moment in life we can be pursuing or living our dreams. Don't be fearful of what God has put on your heart. Do it for HIS glory and you CANNOT fail.

Crossfit & Faith

http://www.qccrossfit.com/

It was in February of 2010. I'll never forget the day. I got up and headed to the 7:30am class for Crossfit. My brother had opened the gym in September of 2009 so the battle of whether or not I was going to dive into this or not was officially over. I was not excited, haha. I was nervous to say the least. I had never been the workout type, and I knew Crossfit was not exactly a walk in the park. But I did start having a strong desire to be healthy and in shape. Ok well true confession I also just wanted to be a good sister and support my brother's new business. :)

Here's the great part. I think I got through the first 2 rounds of a 5 round workout before I quit. I remember walking over and sitting on the bench and looking at my good friend Brandon (other owner of the gym) and saying "Oh my gosh, I'm way worse than I thought. I'm not quitting."

Little did I know not only would I not quit, but I would be hooked. Obsessed. Addicted. Over a year later and I still have people that knew me "pre-Crossfit" say to me "I can't believe how into working out you are now" or something along those lines. Haha I've always just been such a girly girl and have never been a fan of sweating.

Example: when I was in Elementary my parents had me playing Dad's Club soccer and I would stop in the middle of a game and walk over to my mom on the sideline...during this time of my little break I would have her fix my bow, give me a drink of sweet tea, and complain about the fact that I was sweating. :)

So I said all that to say this...

Eventually after a few months of consistent working out, people started telling me that I had the potential to be a "legit Crossfitter." I honestly laughed. ME? bahaha right. The most non-athletic person on Earth being good at the hardest workout program of all time? Doubtful. But of course I had that thought in the back of my mind that wondered and WANTED it to be true. So as you can imagine the obsession grew, and I started striving to be what everyone was telling me I had the potential to be. This is when it gets emotional for me...

September 10, 2010 was another day I will never forget. It was a Friday afternoon and I hadn't even planned on working out that day. I remember even telling a friend on the phone "I don't wanna workout today" and she said "then don't"... but then I decided to anyway. I still wish I would've stuck with that instead of going anyway. Haha but like I said, I was obsessed and never missed a day. That day however my biggest fear came true.

When I was 16 I dislocated my shoulder for the first time and had done it another 2 times between the ages of 16 and 20. I knew the possibilities of it happening again were decently high, but I had been through physical therapy and all that, so I assumed I was good to go because for the most part it never really bothered me during the workouts.

I was doing a 65lb overhead squats..not a hard lift and not a heavy weight for me. Just warming up. I brought the bar down to set on my shoulders and suddenly I was screaming in pain. (My hands are literally sweating thinking about that moment.) It had happened. Shoulder was out for the 4th time. The next 5 hours I think it's safe to say were the worst of my life. Besides the pain all I could think about was the fact that I was supposed to be training to do my first competition in November. That and I knew surgery was a HUGE possibility this time. Which means a lot of recovery time and once again physical therapy.

There's no need for me to go into all of the details as to what this did to me emotionally and mentally. It was terrible. I basically quit Crossfit for 2 months besides a random workout here and there, but every time I went in it was nothing but depression and discouragement.

But I do want to go into the spiritual battle this sent me into. I will never throw away the piece of paper that has prayers and questions written on it from about 4am the next morning after it had happened. Why me? Why now? What is God trying to tell me?

I'm fully aware this might seem dramatic for a shoulder dislocation. But it was the beginning of an intense battle in my life and even my marriage and friendships. I was a different person for 2 months.

In the midst of the questions and confusion I had written that there were 2 ways for me to think about what had happened. 1) Poor me...focusing on the negatives and heartbreaks or 2) How can this be yet another testimony of God's goodness, grace and love? Underneath that I had written "I believe for a miraculous recovery. All to give glory to God."

"My worship is authentic. I lift my heart and my hands even when my circumstance doesn't look like I should."

If NOTHING else, I learned how to truly worship God even through the hardest times of life.

God did not dislocate my shoulder. He is only the author of good things in our lives. But what came out of the REALLY HARD journey was some serious personal and spiritual growth as well as a healthy view on fitness and body image. My husband was actually even inspired through this to write a few songs which are rather incredible. :)

I could literally continue to write about this for hours but I'm trying not to let it go too long. More than anything I just wanted to share how thankful I am that God is so incredible not only did he MIRACULOUSLY heal me emotionally over ONE night (a completely different story in it's own), but I also didn't have to get surgery.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned through this has also been to not let Crossfit and my love for it be what defines me. First and foremost, I am a child of God and He obsessively loves me and is my biggest fan...and He longs for me...us...to know that.

God has used Crossfit to change me.

He can use whatever you're willing to let Him use.

I'm giving Him every area of my life to use.

Simple Faith vs. Intellectual Faith

Something that has been on my heart a lot lately is the idea of Simple Faith vs. Intellectual Faith. What do I mean by this?

Simple Faith is the people like me. Maybe you grew up in a Christian home or have at least been living the "Christian life" for a long time...20+ years...you feel like you have the answer to just about everything. It's not necessarily an arrogant "look at me I have it all together" or "wow I'm so smart and have no questions about anything." It's just more of a "I've been doing this for so long, I know it works, and God will take care of everything."

This I've come to realize is dangerous.

Intellectual Faith...my husband, mother, and friend Jordan. The type of people that overanalyze, think deeply about pretty much everything, and are constantly trying to figure things out.

There's no "better" between the two.

But living your life one way or the other in my opinion is again, dangerous.

I believe God wants us to be able to cast all of our cares on him and not fret or worry about the things in this life. But I also know He desires that strong relationship with us where we can go to Him about anything...have those tough conversations that keep us thinking and sometimes keep us confused.

God wants our faith to be practical, intellectual, and motivational.

So what's my point? God has been challenging me on this. It's good to have the "Simple Faith" because it definitely gives me a very stable day to day life. But how deep am I really going in my relationship with my Creator?

I want it. I want whatever "it" is that God has for me. At this point in my life I feel like He is drawing me to start getting to know Him more than I ever have before. To not be "afraid" of the tough questions that other people may ask me. It's not that I don't have the questions myself, but I ignore them because I don't feel the need to know the answer. So once again, how deep is that allowing me to get? I think it's a wall that needs torn down.

I don't want to be someone people can't talk to because it seems like my life is perfect and things are always going great. I want to be REAL. IMPERFECT. <-- The grace of God makes me perfect in His eyes anyway, and that's truly the most important and the one we all need most.

I'll keep you updated on this journey. :)