Crossfit & Faith

http://www.qccrossfit.com/

It was in February of 2010. I'll never forget the day. I got up and headed to the 7:30am class for Crossfit. My brother had opened the gym in September of 2009 so the battle of whether or not I was going to dive into this or not was officially over. I was not excited, haha. I was nervous to say the least. I had never been the workout type, and I knew Crossfit was not exactly a walk in the park. But I did start having a strong desire to be healthy and in shape. Ok well true confession I also just wanted to be a good sister and support my brother's new business. :)

Here's the great part. I think I got through the first 2 rounds of a 5 round workout before I quit. I remember walking over and sitting on the bench and looking at my good friend Brandon (other owner of the gym) and saying "Oh my gosh, I'm way worse than I thought. I'm not quitting."

Little did I know not only would I not quit, but I would be hooked. Obsessed. Addicted. Over a year later and I still have people that knew me "pre-Crossfit" say to me "I can't believe how into working out you are now" or something along those lines. Haha I've always just been such a girly girl and have never been a fan of sweating.

Example: when I was in Elementary my parents had me playing Dad's Club soccer and I would stop in the middle of a game and walk over to my mom on the sideline...during this time of my little break I would have her fix my bow, give me a drink of sweet tea, and complain about the fact that I was sweating. :)

So I said all that to say this...

Eventually after a few months of consistent working out, people started telling me that I had the potential to be a "legit Crossfitter." I honestly laughed. ME? bahaha right. The most non-athletic person on Earth being good at the hardest workout program of all time? Doubtful. But of course I had that thought in the back of my mind that wondered and WANTED it to be true. So as you can imagine the obsession grew, and I started striving to be what everyone was telling me I had the potential to be. This is when it gets emotional for me...

September 10, 2010 was another day I will never forget. It was a Friday afternoon and I hadn't even planned on working out that day. I remember even telling a friend on the phone "I don't wanna workout today" and she said "then don't"... but then I decided to anyway. I still wish I would've stuck with that instead of going anyway. Haha but like I said, I was obsessed and never missed a day. That day however my biggest fear came true.

When I was 16 I dislocated my shoulder for the first time and had done it another 2 times between the ages of 16 and 20. I knew the possibilities of it happening again were decently high, but I had been through physical therapy and all that, so I assumed I was good to go because for the most part it never really bothered me during the workouts.

I was doing a 65lb overhead squats..not a hard lift and not a heavy weight for me. Just warming up. I brought the bar down to set on my shoulders and suddenly I was screaming in pain. (My hands are literally sweating thinking about that moment.) It had happened. Shoulder was out for the 4th time. The next 5 hours I think it's safe to say were the worst of my life. Besides the pain all I could think about was the fact that I was supposed to be training to do my first competition in November. That and I knew surgery was a HUGE possibility this time. Which means a lot of recovery time and once again physical therapy.

There's no need for me to go into all of the details as to what this did to me emotionally and mentally. It was terrible. I basically quit Crossfit for 2 months besides a random workout here and there, but every time I went in it was nothing but depression and discouragement.

But I do want to go into the spiritual battle this sent me into. I will never throw away the piece of paper that has prayers and questions written on it from about 4am the next morning after it had happened. Why me? Why now? What is God trying to tell me?

I'm fully aware this might seem dramatic for a shoulder dislocation. But it was the beginning of an intense battle in my life and even my marriage and friendships. I was a different person for 2 months.

In the midst of the questions and confusion I had written that there were 2 ways for me to think about what had happened. 1) Poor me...focusing on the negatives and heartbreaks or 2) How can this be yet another testimony of God's goodness, grace and love? Underneath that I had written "I believe for a miraculous recovery. All to give glory to God."

"My worship is authentic. I lift my heart and my hands even when my circumstance doesn't look like I should."

If NOTHING else, I learned how to truly worship God even through the hardest times of life.

God did not dislocate my shoulder. He is only the author of good things in our lives. But what came out of the REALLY HARD journey was some serious personal and spiritual growth as well as a healthy view on fitness and body image. My husband was actually even inspired through this to write a few songs which are rather incredible. :)

I could literally continue to write about this for hours but I'm trying not to let it go too long. More than anything I just wanted to share how thankful I am that God is so incredible not only did he MIRACULOUSLY heal me emotionally over ONE night (a completely different story in it's own), but I also didn't have to get surgery.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned through this has also been to not let Crossfit and my love for it be what defines me. First and foremost, I am a child of God and He obsessively loves me and is my biggest fan...and He longs for me...us...to know that.

God has used Crossfit to change me.

He can use whatever you're willing to let Him use.

I'm giving Him every area of my life to use.